Faith, banter & Living the Dream

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“Christ on a bike.”

“You can’t say that.”

“What?”

“That.”

“Christ on a bike?”

“Yeah.”

“Just a bit of fun. Think its what the Tommies used to shout in the old days when the Padre cycled past on his way to some bombed out Mass.”

“Bit disrespectful isn’t it?”

“Nah.”

“Like that Dave Allen in the 70s – upsetting all of the Catholics in Ireland”

“Blast from the past. We’ll be getting our knickers in a twist about the bloody Life of Brian next.”

“And with fair reason.”

“What?”

“Well, bit of a hatchet job on old JC wasn’t it. And what about all that ‘hook nose’ ‘heebie’ ‘red sea pedestrian’ stuff?”

“God, I loved that bit! “Oi! Big Nose” “Who you calling big nose?”

“Cant think the Jewish viewers enjoyed it that much.”

“Well, you cant be too sensitive can you.”

“Unless Jehovah is a really big deal for you and your faith.”

“Yeah, OK, but blimey, what next? Rename the next series of Luther because the Reformation Protestant purists are going to get all hufty otherwise?”

“No. I’m just saying be a little more respectful to people of faith.”

“Faith? You mean Religion. Faith is not the sole domain of the Holy you know.”

“Yes it is.”

“Really? Faith comes in all shapes and sizes. Even the scientists need it. That M Theory is a bit of a leap of faith – nice theory but whoops no proof – but I cant see a molecular physicist getting all arsey about Hadron Collider gags.”

“M Theory?”

“M Theory – Hawking – chap in the chair – funny voice – believes that there is one total quantum truth for the whole universe – unifying all consistent superstring theories of the universe.”

“Superstring.”

“Forget the string – all I am saying is that until there is proof, that’s a leap of faith.”

“No need to get funny about it. All I am saying is that some people have a different cultural sensitivity to stuff like this. Things are sacred for them.”

“Oh, you’re not going to get all Sharia on me now are you.”

“Why not. The Jewish community puts up an Eruv. We all respect the significance of that.”

“God, can we just lighten up. All this stuff is just not…just not how we are. We just don’t get that worked up about this stuff.”

“Great. But other people do.”

“You’ll be banning banter next. And that’s just not British”

“What about Jihadi John?”

“What, the lunatic psycho Jihadi John?”

“Yes. Calling him Jihadi John – is that banter?”

“That’s the Sun for you!”

“Jihad is a religious reference.”

“Yeah but no. Just a bit of name-calling. You’re in taking-the-piss-land mate. Get over it.”

“It’s a bit thuggish though isn’t it?”

“What?”

“You know, all a bit lock stock and two smoking shashlik kebabs. Jihadi John. Cos he’s a Jihadist. Turkish cos he’s Turkish.”

“Well if you’re going to be like that, don’t say Thug.”

“Why not?”

“Thugee – Indian cult.”

“That’s not religion! They were a criminal cult.”

“Look. All I am saying is that, you know, chill out. its a sign of a civilised society. Rising above all the voodoo and the mysticism.Being able to look at it and laugh. I mean its nuts some of it.”

“So a few billion people are all nuts?”

“Yeah. But to be fair most of them are so bloody poor they need some fantasy to believe in don’t they. A thinking person with a decent education – going to see the funny side of all that blood and wine and 70 virgins.”

“Oh OK. Got it. So by your reckoning profound soul searching faith is commensurate with poverty.”

‘Yup. Face it mate, the more stuff we can get a hold of in this life the less we need to negotiate our entry into the next. Why should I worry about 4 Hail Marys, Stamping on a glass and facing East”

“Blimey. So a couple of credit cards, a few fancy holidays and a new sofa and all forms of religion can get binned? You’ll be telling me that Wonga Loans and spirituality are conflicting belief systems next”

“God, you’re a right bag of laughs. Have you got a saddle for that very high horse you’re on? Speaking of horses; I’m hungry.”

“Yeah; Im starving come to think of it.”

‘What about that Herman Ze German. Hot dog & beer place. Wurst sausage I ever had!”

‘Now that’s funny.”

“Hallelujah. He has a sense of humour. Schnell.”

 

 

Living the Dream is a project that seeks a more meaningful and inclusive narrative for what good looks like by exploring the underlying narratives in everyday peoples lives at the intersection where prosperity, consumption and values collide.  

 

 

 

Love, labels, shopping & Living The Dream:

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Shopping Labels: love ‘em. And I’ll have as many of them as I can get. And I don’t care what they’re pinned, popped, stapled, taped or tied to. Face creme. Hipsters. Phones. Washing Machines. Waiters. Sun-loungers. Crappafrappaccinolates.

Labels are the living proof that I’m living the dream. Or should I say shopping it. And loving it.

I’m perched on my individually reclining sofa, planning my buy now pay later holiday on an Oculus Rift. Got my very dramatic instagramatic liquid screen life looping on the SAMSUNG. Got my look-at-me-apple-i-watch playlist hooked into the Sonos. Even got my kids hooked on five hundred quid smart phones. Result.

Love my hyper connected super stylish self.

The more kit I have the better I feel. Because I’ve got kit. Shiny new smelling kit. Look at shiny me!  Shining is all I want to do as a stand-up living, loving human being. Shiny means my love is cutting the mustard in the world: I’m providing.

I’m buying like and love at a check out and it feels great. I’m buying branded hotness, smarts, and friends.Seriously, look at my slidy swipy interface app. I’m nailing it. I’m searching for love through an animated Gif. Nice. Add to Basket. Go to Checkout

Got stuff. Give stuff.

Sorry, hang on; let me just put you on speakerphone so every one can hear how on it we are. “Where? The British Virgin Islands? Surprised they let you in babe! Bahh ha ha ha. See you Friday. LOL. XOXOXOXOXO”

Stuff is how I spread the love. Christmas. Valentines. Mother’s Day. Birthdays. Love is a huge pink heart made up of bar codes with a matching card and wrapping paper.

Shop unto others as you would shop unto yourself!

Super Market Super Me. Veg isn’t just veg. 3 for 2 salad bags isn’t just 3 of their 5 a day – its a protestation of love. The cheese. Those breaded fish pieces. Olives with the little red things inside. The lot. The smell of the Ocado bags. Smell my love. The air is heavy with it.

That detergent, the super citrus one I use to wash their clothes, that’s liquid love in a tumble dryer. I could give a serial killer a run for their money in the detergents, bleaches and abrasive disinfectants department. Every one of them is an individual price marked gesture of my love for my family and the squeaky gorgeous life I want them to have. How could I not remove 99% of all germs? What kind of people are you? How could I allow my carpet not to smell of the perfume of a thousand roses. Those roses died for our home to smell like this! Have some respect.

Breakfast cereal? Its more than a bloody cereal. Check out the advert! It’s a highly nutritious hug is what it is. Just because I don’t have time to give one, at least the cereal can. Each one of those boxes is a proxy for my love. Snap crackle and hug that’s what I say. And while we’re at it: send my children out into the cold without a glowing defence shield of warm loving oats? Murderer.

My love is infinite. Resealable. Refillable. Recyclable.

And I can prove it. Look at the balance on my Nectar card and tell me I am not the most loving person around.

I’m a goes around comes around kind of person. Always happy to, you know, do our bit for the planet…just don’t charge me extra! Love the planet. And that Attenborough chap. He’s lovely.

Hang on… feels a little rubbish with everyone’s face stuck in a screen. And feeling a little lonely if the truth be told. Need to update my facebook status. But it means having to check out their third set of holiday pictures this year…I mean its only bloody May. Does he work for Thomsons or something?

Right. Family outing.

OOhh I feel a quick weekend turn around Westfield coming on! Come on every one, in the car, I want to check out that new home cinema set up and your mum wants to nip into Kurt Geiger to try on some post-modern, highly ironic stripper shoes (and I don’t mean the decorating kind!).

3DS? What d’you need your DS for? Oh go on then … quickly.

Westfield.

LOVE the screech of my low profile sports spec tyres as I one-finger-turn in their car park – the sheer weight of those oh so safe tyres turning on my lighter-than-air super-computed steering system. Hell, the car parks itself.

Tell you what though, think I must try harder, I’m slipping. Look at ‘em. Is it me or have all the kids permanently got a face like a slapped arse?

Not even sure if they like me. God, they must like me. We’re bezzy mates. Shopping together and everything. We even have the same face book friends.

You OK? School’s OK? Isn’t it? I’m sure they’re OK – aren’t they? I think I might buy them an education just like the one in Harry Potter – well, they loved the films and you know, always a little space on a credit card somewhere…!

Pricey? Yup, but you know, as the saying goes ‘Short time Living, Long time Debt’ – stick it on a card. Cant take it with you, it’s your credit, you’ve earned it.

Blimey, where was I – holiday – better not mess up the booking. I’ve so booking nailed it. See the love in their eyes when they enter the resort. That’s us that is.

Well I felt like a criminal – when she said that her mate at school didn’t just go to Disneyland – she was actually  IN the Disney holiday advert; in it; you know the one where all the children screech and scream when the parents reveal they’re going to Disneyland.

Well I couldn’t say no after that. OK, you’re going to drop three grand but look at their little faces – I couldn’t not. Where’s the Barclaycard? No, thats the VISA, the Barclaycard… it was with the MBNA one – I used them to get the sofa and those garden chairs.

Just got to face it – you spoil them, don’t you. And I quite like a few treats for myself. I’m worth it. Nan says we’re soft and need to get over ourselves. She gets a bit worked up about our spending. So we bought her one of those Tesco Finest Chocolate Mousse things to cheer her up. Not cheap. But it is Finest. Says it on the box there.

I’m a lover not a fighter

OK, so I’m a bit soft. I want them to have nice things (that bloody nursery paint cost a fortune but you know, first ever bedroom!!).

Sure, I could save up, but you never know what’s around the corner. Could be dead tomorrow. And Pensions! Don’t talk about pensions. Your pension’s just as likely to go down in value once that lot in the City have had their way with it.

House is our pension love. So best get yourself down to B&Q sharpish and get some power tools and fix all the stuff needs fixing then.

No, I want my lot to have the best. I don’t want to feel like some penny-pinching tightwad, especially with old ‘smug as you like’ over the road with his shiny new everything. Sure he nicks it all.

Mmmn. Not sure what to do with all those txt alerts from the bank though. Delete. Wait till the letter turns red. Then I’ll worry about it. Sunny. Haven’t used them. Look alright in the advert. Like that song. Wonder if they still send you a red final demand in the post if you’ve gone paperless?

Oh, well. Sure it must be about drink o clock by now.

 

Living The Dream – LTD Org – is dedicated to finding a new narrative and framework for an aspirational yet affordable UK lifestyle that doesn’t bankrupt us, our children and the planet we live on. Until then we’ll just have to put up and make do with the under-whelming, over-stretched, highly-conflicted muddle-along one we have now.

The fantastic Mr Foxes, Living the Dream & re-imagining UK prosperity

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In a world that only seems to celebrate the gold-plated, flush away consumption of Kim and Kanye, Wayne Rooney’s shopping potential and the gold-plated Lamborghini collection of a playboy oil billionaire, trying to Live the Dream of smarter, lighter life might seem a rather hopeless task.

Why find meaning within your means when everyone and everything seems to be screaming ‘Go Large!’ regardless of whether they or you can afford it or not.

But hope springs eternal. And the odd shining example of how to make the most of what you have to both individual and collective benefit without bankrupting yourself in the process does pop up in the strangest of places.

The world of football for example.

If what’s going on at the moment is anything to go by, football is in danger of becoming a metaphor for the societal benefit of turning away from vulgar money fixations and look-at-me consumption to something a little more meaningful and precious. Something we seemed to have lost along the way.

In a world riddled with corruption, larger-than-life living, vulgar displays of wealth and riches and a blatant almost criminal disregard for the everyday people that the sport should belong to – we have Leicester. The Foxes.

If anyone is currently Living The Dream it’s Leicester.

Andreotti has proven himself to be the shrewdest of the Mr Foxes, thriftily shaping one of the most balanced teams in the sport, and for roughly the same amount of money as Wayne Rooney earns in a couple of months.

The Reaction. Remarkable. Suddenly the football collective voice is being heard. Sam Diss of Shortlist Magazine recently reported hearing a Crystal Palace fan tell a Leicester fan to ‘Win it for us’ when their teams met.

Us. There it is. Shining like a beacon. Deafening in its quiet criticism of a beautiful game turned ugly by greed and profligacy. The collective voice of the everyday football fans who believe that football is bigger than any one footballer. Bigger than any club ‘brand’. And who hark back to a time when watching your favourite game enriched your life not bankrupted it.

Once football was the perfect pleasure – a joy to play or watch at any level  – and wholly in the means of the fans who made the clubs what they are today. But far from enriching them, football now seems only to enrage and impoverish them – and not just financially. The game is becoming increasingly spiritually bankrupt. Morals and ethics seem to disappear out the Transfer Window. Money talks. And everyone else has to shut up and listen – and swallow it regardless of how patently twisted it is.

“Boof. Eat my Goal” said Alan Partridge.

But now “Who Ate All the Goals?” might seem a more appropriate chant from the terraces towards the ‘fat cat’ players, managers and owners that seem to openly mock the average working football fan with their displays of wealth.

There is little to separate the vulgar disparity between the salaries of CEOs and those of their employees and that which exists between footballers and the communities they are supposed to represent and entertain.

So whether Leicester ‘win it’ it or not is less about a football game and more about hope. A hope that the money doesn’t always win. And it doesn’t always make things better. And that a collective spirit can change things. And do the impossible.

My hope lies in this collective spirit wishing and willing Leicester on in the belief that some things are more beautiful and more important than ugly money.

Just imagine – if football can turn away from its current vulgar grasping and increasingly ill-affordable guise, perhaps other aspects of our everyday lifestyle and how we consume it might change too.

Living the Dream might start to mean enjoying life in a construct that isn’t loaded onto 5 credit cards and backed up with a payday loan; and riddled with disappointment even at that.

In the close of the same article Diss cites Iain Mackintosh, die-hard UK football writer, as saying that Leicester City pulling this off will change everything – and not just the Premier League. “This could change the dynamic of humanity itself”.

Here’s hoping.

 

 

#socialtourettes #sloppyslang & #thetyranny #ofmemyself-i

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Profit, Purpose, Evil & the realm of journalistic Uh Duh!

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Headline:  Go ahead. Be Evil.

Sub head: Do you need a social mission? Hell, no. Profit is the mission

How weird. If Inc’s leader piece in its March issue is anything to go by one might think that the jury is still out in business-land about whether profit is the only fundamental Purpose or Mission you need.

I’m thinking that perhaps they were just looking for a headline. And for that you need the polarities. A publisher’s master-class in the application of Alinsky’s Rules For Radicals perhaps. Remove the grey. Black or White. or nothing. Set Kevin O’Leary’s profit purpose against Adam Lowry’s social purpose; light blue touch-paper and see what happens. O’Leary’s blue collar good fella folksy says it the way it is ‘honesty’ versus Lowry’s campus cool, organic jaw-lined post-grad Karmic intensity.

Celebrity Purpose Smack-down. Hoo-haa.

Sadly, post reading, it all felt a little disappointing. I was expecting something incendiary. Perhaps I missed the point. To be fair I thought we’d got beyond this a while back.

Purpose is about founding and rooting a business in something beyond the balance sheet and the share price – creating a north star for it that reaches beyond the pure objective of profit. Its not about Profit OR Purpose. Double Duh! Its simply about developing a healthy and respectful relationship between the two.

Purpose is about developing resilience in a business both in social, cultural and environmental terms as well as economic ones.

Purpose is about passion, determination and belief at work in a company for good – the infectious feel-good of making shit happen both individually and collectively – and the nurturing of a centre of gravity that enables a company to absorb turbulence and short term impacts.

Purpose (social or otherwise) can have a simple premise – for example – to want to build a thriving profitable and resilient business able to relentlessly reinvest in stimulating and securing increasing and sustainable growth to create wealth, jobs and ever-improving communities is an admirable purpose.

The lever word in this is resilient. And resilience comes from not overdrawing or pillaging the sources of capital a business needs and demands to be profitable.

A company’s Social, Cultural and Environmental Capital accounts need to be as healthy as the Economic ones.

A balanced book should show the positive impact column of the business in credit even after you’ve accounted for everything in the negatives impacts column . And Purposeful businesses seem to be far better in achieving this balance.

This is nothing to do with setting up a charitable book on the business. If water depletion or obesity are negative externalities of your chosen business then you need to account for and invest in mitigating them – reductions, off sets, replenishment and prevention programmes become critical and central to your profitability accounting processes. To ignore them is to foster vulnerabilities and turbulence in the fabric of the company and in its ability to thrive.

Any ‘shareholder’ who compels or lobbies a company to ignore the business case for Purpose and the behaviours and actions pursuing it demands is in effect trying to short the company. Between lengthening a business’s odds through the relentless and passionate application of Purpose or shortening them by sustaining a myopic obsession with Pure profit, I know which one I find more ‘evil’.

Why Mr. O’Leary thinks that purposeful companies are missing the point of a business – to be profitable – I am not certain.

A quick rummage in Firms Of Endearment’s most recent stats show that companies driven by purpose and passion outperform the S&P 500 by 14 times over 15 years.

To be clear, I think we’re getting there but still have a way to go. I am certainly not advocating that every company featured on Firms of Endearment’s list of big purpose Kahuna Burgers is some scion of the Gods of Good.

A number of multi-nationals who like to be seen a Purpose driven with a clear sense of the power of Stakeholder over Shareholder modelling still seem to find a way of rationalizing very shifty profit accounting to evade stonking levels of Tax. A number of them sit on Firm’s of Endearments list of the great and the good.

How do they reconcile Endearment with almost criminal levels of tax evasion I am unsure.

Perhaps they’re a little tied up with other things at the moment.

Perhaps they just don’t agree with the simple theory that if your business’s performance, competitive advantage and increasing profitability is rooted in the quality and wellbeing of the indigenous workforce you employ, you should invest in the fiscal infrastructure of the society that creates that workforce – keeps them healthy, safe, secure and living in a stable thriving society. It’s called Corporation Tax.

Or perhaps it’s just that they are too busy passionately pursuing the intelligent, enlightened and relentless re-direction of profits for the purpose of executive redistribution.

or perhaps they’re just Evil!

(cue high fives, whoop de dooping and general chest bump, you d’Man-ing.)

 

 

 

 

The Bard, Bowie, hemispheres & the bearable lightness of being.

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I think there’s been a happening in the cosmic fizz just beyond our mortal measure and comprehension – but thankfully those of you Right-Hemisphere leaning kids out there will be none the poorer for it – quite the opposite one would hope, if the laws of social contagion are to be believed.

On 10th January 2016, David Bowie, a rock and pop performer of exceptional elegance and a master of transformation, died.

He left behind a staggering back catalogue of human invention. His ability to shift from masque to masque, identity to identity, not only in his career and lifetime but even in the process of one performance was in retrospect one of the great artistic spectacles of the 20th Century.

Until the point of his death, history was preparing to view 2016 through the eyes of another Great British artist (some would say the greatest), and a master of the dramatic theatre of shifting masques and identities.

2016 is the 400th anniversary of Shakespeare’s death.

2016 was to be the year of the Bard, generator of some of the English language’s greatest turns of phrase; creator of some of its greatest dramatic masterpieces, characters and archetypes.

Hamlet. Lady Macbeth. Iago. Juliette. Oberon. The list is endless, and the construct and dynamics of their identities have been studied in minute detail and from every conceivable perspective.

The Bard’s own real identity has also come under intense scrutiny over the years – was he part of his work, merely the quill of it, or himself the greatest piece of literary confection of the English lexicon?

Was he a thief, an imitator, a fake, a sage or a genius? The jury it seems is still out.

Speaking of The Bard, genius, shifting identities and cosmic collisions – it is worth noting that on the evening of the 10th of January 2016, as David Bowie peacefully departed for a place from which he could chime ‘Look up here, I’m in Heaven’, another great shape shifter of the stage, (already an inhabitant of the intangible Otherness) was being celebrated in an RSC film night at the Barbican.

The film was Shakespeare’s Midsummer Night’s Dream starring Charles Laughton – a man known to have infuriated his contemporaries(Olivier particularly) with statements such as:

“Great artists reveal the god in man,” he said in an interview, “and every character an actor plays must be this sort of creation. Not imitation – that is merely caricature… The better – the truer – the creation, the more it will resemble a great painter’s immortal work.”*

Reaching out beyond what is known, what is given and what exists is the simple process of creation – a conscious or unconscious action – and one of the greatest slingshots of our conscious development. It was certainly what drove Laughton.

 Laughton’s post-war masterpiece, Night of The Hunter, delivered a ground-breaking collision of theatrical chiaroscuro and dramatic tour de force that had until then never been seen on the movie screen.

In his need to see and go further than any one had ever gone before he aligned himself with the belief that the primary force of the stage is creative, not imitative – a belief system by which both The Bard and Bowie patently lived their lives.

The Bard & The Thin White Duke were, I believe, driven to do so – compelled to create something of a higher order – using contexts and characters to draw the sky towards them, to study the whole of our existence, instead of scratching out increments of cause and effect, measure for measure.

I believe that they did this because one aspect of their conscious self compelled them to do so. They were wired that way – more attuned to the right hemisphere of our brain; and its quest to seek that which lies just beyond our sight and our reasoning, rather than just controlling and measuring that which we already have.

This reaching for some sense of Otherness – just out of sight and beyond our reasoned comprehension – is not just some artsy humanities piffle.

Georg Cantor the 19th century Mathematician struggled with finite or ‘fixed’ concepts of infinity – he struggled with the idea of there being a necessary (rational/reasoned) uncertainty and incompleteness in the realm of mathematics.

He struggled with the idea that Beyond the infinity of infinities; (lay) Something Other. Infinity was no longer tameable by turning it into an abstract concept and then just carrying on as though it were just another number.

(Obviously one should be aware that there is a danger here of falling into the Spinal Trap of David St Hubbins and his discourse on Infinity:

‘It’s like saying when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe, you say, if the universe is indeed infinite, then how – what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what’s stopping it, and what’s behind what’s stopping it? So, what’s the end, you know, is my question to you. 

Though, as a form of dramatic proof, in this astonishingly funny moment, as with all great characterisations, we find a far deeper and more expansive question waiting to be asked hidden in the subtext of their comedy.)

If we delve deeper into the ties that bind the Bard and Bowie the deeper threads of influence ad interrelation strung between them are many.

In their astonishing curation of the man ‘DAVID BOWIE IS’ for the V&A, Victoria Broakes & Geoffrey Marsh refer to Bowie’s formulation of a theory of Gender as Performance, ‘… antecedents for which can be found in Shakespeare’s plays, where theatre becomes a master metaphor for life.’

Broakes & Marsh also refer to how ‘with his silver lipstick and forehead astral sphere he evoked the radiant allegorical figures of courtly masque.’

Going further, they attest to the belief that ‘Indeed, in Ziggy Stardust’s supernormal militant energy and shuffled masks we may have come closer than we ever will again to glimpsing how Shakespeare’s virtuoso boy actors performed the roles of Rosalind, Cleopatra and Lady Macbeth.’

As we should remember, the relationship between Bowie’s Thin White Duke (an exquisite confection of Abdicated Edward’s veneered hair and permanent cigarette painted in the gaunt Berlin draw of a smack-head aristocrat) and the Elizabethan Bard are more than just accents and accidents of gender performance.

The Thin White Duke was a man who spent much time ‘throwing darts in lover’s eyes.

love’s arrow or love’s darts and a penchant for casting them was a popular Elizabethan conceit favoured by Donne, Marlowe et al.

This emanation from within – reciprocity of feeling not thinking – was a reoccurring theme in the dramatic and written arts.

In Il Filostrato, circa 1338 Giovanni Boccaccio fused the tradition of love at first sight, the eye’s darts, and the metaphor of Cupid’s arrow:

Nor did he (Troilus) who was so wise shortly before… perceive that Love with his darts dwelt within the rays of those lovely eyes… nor notice the arrow that sped to his heart.”

That this piece of writing was the inspiration of Chaucer’s ‘Troilus and Crisedye’ which in turn was the inspiration for Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida should come as no surprise.

Many were enamoured by the idea of an inner ‘light’ of intimate observation, emanating from inside the ‘soul’ of the observer to become one with soul of the observed.

Take the lovers of Donne’s Extasie for whom

Our eye beams twisted, and did thread

Our eyes upon a double string

 

And Shakespeare’s Oberon says of Cupid:

“A certain aim he took

At a fair vestal thronèd by the west,

And loosed his love shaft smartly from his bow

As it should pierce a hundred thousand hearts.”

 

Equally, Dante in his ‘Donne ch’avete intelletto d’amore’ (Rime XIV) was not inured to the charms of the reciprocal gaze.

“The very paragon of Beauty, who

Will wound the eyes of any who dares view

The flame-like essences of burning love

She shoots from her bright eyes – which, when they move,

Penetrate to the heart and wound it too.

Thus in her face one sees the vital strength

Of Love portrayed where none may gaze at length.”

There is a vital reciprocity in all their gaze – a mutuality and transaction of something alive. This is not mutual seeing of the direct referential See the Crow. Point at the Crow. Shoot the Crow type

Something has been shared – an inspirational and profound thing – a thing that improves each of them equally.

To Iain McGilchrist, author of The Master & His Emissary, a book on how our conscious selves and the world in which we exist is being shaped and moulded by hemispheric sensibility, the light ‘darts’ from the eyes of lover’s was the Elizabethan’s way of describing a form of seeing or observation that is fired by the right hemisphere and its pursuit of the intangible immeasurable higher order of us – whole expansive pictures of our existence far beyond the scrabbling measures of the left hemisphere’s control-freakery.

In reference to Dramatic Tragedy and the role of the Greek Chorus, McGilchrist points out that this new form of observation – distant – removed – taken out of the immediate rational linear Now – is one of the illuminating and enlightening moments of our conscious human development.

In viewing life and its tragedies from a distance, Drama allowed us to engage in an evolving form of human learning – of matters of the soul – of Otherness.

McGilchrist writes ‘In tragedy we see for the first time in the history of the West the power of empathy as we watch …the painful moulding of the will…’

The central role of faces and identities in drama and theatre is telling in regards to what both the Bard and Bowie understood – they ‘knew what was right without knowing’ – a very right hemisphere trait apparently.

McGilchrist points out that ‘the interpretation of faces is a Right Hemisphere prerogative: in looking at the face of one’s partner (compared with an unknown face) the right insula increases in activity.’

At the beating heart of drama we explore faces and the tension lines drawn between them. In faces and living expressions played out across identities and their myths we learn to understand the abstract, unseen and unimaginable – we use the dramatic shifts in the face – its expressions and light – to interrogate and comprehend our own existence, our empathy for others, our otherness in relation to the world around us.

In 1973, few young English teenage girls understood death other than through that of Ziggy Stardust. Their pain and loss were real; as the emotions had been created within them by the artist. They were not imitating life changing sadness and mourning. They were living it.

To be clear, Iain McGlchrist is not advocating some Cartesian Duality of Either Or. He is utterly committed to the lateral truths of how both the right and left hemispheres interrelate and relentlessly inform enrich and recalibrate each other. BUT.

He does contest that the greater dimensions of our conscious selves owe much to a hemisphere which until now has had to bear the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune showered upon it by the very  rational, left-hemisphere-leaning, scientific prism through which we are now all required to view and celebrate life. Hubble and Hawking must be enough for us now. How could we ever seek more

McGilchist’s polymathic interest in the collision point between neuro-imagination, literature and language and psychology is not working alone in the world.

Recently this world view has been bolstered by the works of another cluster of diverse minds.

Julie Henry writing for the Telegraph on the 13th January reported that ‘Scientists Psychologists and English academics at Liverpool University found that reading the works of the Bard …had a beneficial effect on the mind, catches the readers attention and triggers moments of self reflection.

Henry continued “Scans showed that the more “challenging” prose and poetry set off far more electrical activity in the brain than the more pedestrian versions.

Scientists were able to study the brain activity as it responded to each word and record how it “lit up” as the reader’s encountered unusual words, surprising phrases or difficult sentence structure.

This “lighting up” of the mind lasts longer than the initial electrical spark, shifting the brain to a higher gear, encouraging further reading.

The research also found that reading poetry, in particular, increases activity in the right hemisphere of the brain, an area concerned with “autobiographical memory”, helping the reader to reflect on and reappraise their own experiences in light of what they have read.”

Rational minds that dismiss the humanities and the arts as a distraction from the improving nature and evolution of being human seem to deny one pure truth that their own science reveals.

Our minds positively respond to reaching beyond what ‘is’. We are made better – improved – for it. Our humanity is illuminated and given depth and expanse by the creations of these pioneers of identity and conscious self. We learn to empathise with what is otherwise intangible – the feeling carried within another – beyond the linear and immediate.

The works of The Bard and of Bowie, compelled by their right-hemisphere need to reach beyond the measurable and the given – to seek to capture the ‘light’, the darts thrown from lovers eyes – created works both for the creator and the receiver – to inspire both themselves and us to reach to a greater degree of self understanding – of greater consciousness. They created a moment of mutual gaze between us and them -to allow us a glimpse of the light within in their own.

Their works become the dart and we the lover. And Vice Versa

One might even venture that the utter lack of utility or function seemingly required to render something ‘art’ is a defensive evolutionary mechanism. Perhaps its artfulness, its redundant pose, is itself an artful deceit designed to obscure the primary and far more powerful role the pieces of dramatic creativity are undertaking – to relentlessly improve and expand us through firing in us a greater quest for more conscious enlightenment in, and doing so while our left brain’s back is turned – for fear that otherwise the left will wade in, spoil and obfuscate what it cant understand – and in doing so diminish us and our potential to exist.

Or was it just that both Shakespeare and Bowie liked a man in tights (as did Laughton) – the Dressing Up box of Creativity and Dramatic effect and the reaching for Otherness being preferable to the real tragedy and visceral slaughter that came from those only interested in reaching for the Now and what existed in front of them, as they sought to measure, map, grasp and rule it.

*Quoted – Simon Callow Charles Laughton: dazzling player of monsters, misfits and kings 2013 – Telegraph On Line

 

 

Perfume, puffery & a Zynga Guide to the future of Fragrance Ads.

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Where did she come from? where am I going?

Life is a journey

Seize it

Outside is just inside…out

Peace is Love. Love is war. War is Peace. 

Destiny

Tarmac

Sex

Penis

Fire hydrant

Neel Kolhatkar, an Australian comedian, has created a small film called How to make a Fragrance Commercial that celebrates the increasingly ludicrous genre of the Fragrance or Perfume commercial. It is a small pleasure to view.

We have the use of the abstracted journey – infinite; never ending; circular. Run through with a yearning of some sort. Add one very pretty girl with a form of hair Tourrette’s – incapable of resisting running her hand across or through her silken mane for more than a second.

And the insanity of gibberish of course: crack induced riddles tripping the enigmatic light fantastic. Or bollocks if you will.

Lee Mack has also celebrated the bollocks of the language and accent of fragrance commercials, much to our amusement.

And the joke is not lost on us – as hundreds of thousands of us it would seem enjoy looking at and agreeing with their world view.

BUT. Someone has to be taking this seriously. Someone has to be buying this pap. Why would someone otherwise invest that much time energy money and hand picked, studio preened talent to make them, again and again.

I hold my hands up – I did go Ooohh! when I saw the one with Marilyn et al morphed in to the ad via super whizz bang SFX computer imaging. But only once. Not that anyone cares. If anyone gets into trouble they can always point to the Chanel No5 piece having 12M+ views. I thank you.

There is also an element of infantilisation going on here to a certain degree. These commercials are used on us like shiny jewels slung from a music mobile hung above our ‘cot’ – the plinky-plinky music, like a child’s music box confection played out to the mesmeric movement of shiny things that we can reach for. Ooosshhy boooshy boooshy booo. Who’s a beautiful boy then. It’s Christmas. Ohhhh. Shiny.

Shiny is beautiful. Shiny is reassuring. While Jude Law drives through stunning landscapes in a stunning car everything is alright. Terrorist threats and world hunger simply disappear as if by magic. Community fracture, eating disorders and fear of unemployment dissipate in a diffusion of citrus, rose otto and bergamot mist.

Happy day.

But, just to be a grinch for a moment longer, in a time of austerity, collapsing brand budgets, and fashion houses and brands going bankrupt all over the place, all of the time, how do they get away with it?

How does the Brand creative director get away with it? And the Director for that matter? In budgetary heist terms it is, let it be said, a stroke of genius: an Oceans Eleven of Marketing. At no point is the endeavour ever really intended to get beyond a luvy fest, extended camping holiday with 3 weeks of post production catering attached. That a commercial comes out at the end is frankly a miracle.

Everything is in the script:

Open on a set of Long Haul aeroplane tickets.

Cue music track rerecord by someone the writer slept with at Burning Man 

Light refracts through sun flare. We sense someone: famous: really really famous.

We see grade Hollywood A Lister in frame come into close up and focus – in a state of distress, the Malibu surf framing their pained expression.

Camera pans out across their shoulder and the bonnet of a classic XK 180, parked at the coast roadside behind them.

On its polished bench seat we see a hand crafted hold-all in exquisitely turned leather and open white stitching with polished lalique clasps.

We see the bag is stuffed with the film production budget blocked and bound in various denominations.

We see the long shadow of the Director’s new art department ‘squeeze’ fall across the driver’s seat. The keys in the ignition scream TURN ME ON.

We cut to cool city or landscape at dusk/night. A car – our car – is stationary outside a plain ‘edgy’ doorway: a man in a long coat grey hat smoking a cigarette stands beside it half in shadow.

We blink; eyelids close – to black – and open. More flared light.

We are inside a bar. It is buzzing: with the Art Director’s boyfriend and their close NYC facebook friends.

Cut to enigmatic pack shot.

Music Ends 

Shazzam.

You have yourself a Fragrace Advert.

And talk me through the obtuse re-recording of karaoke-famous musical tracks? One of these recordings is of such high camp, I would strongly recommend having an oxygen tank and some DVT socks to hand.

I’m thinking of course of the music in the Chanel No5 piece with Giselle: a tangential narrative punctuated by cards with lyrics written with epigrammatic aplomb and enigmatically distributed.

In this film there is of course a random child (who surely should be put into care given the elegant speed with which her parents seem to nip off to far flung places in pursuit of something different at the drop of a hat. Thankfully, in the full length version there is a Grannie/Nanny left to fend for the child – the least we’d expect from a family with such an expansive beach house: staff.)

Now that track: The One That I Want. Lo Fang. Breathy. Sparse. Jazz. Art.

Yes: it’s a re-record. And re-records have been very recherché for a few years now. Since 2008, everyone and their transgender partner is doing it, inspired by re-records of famous tracks by highly individual, mainly female singers for John Lewis et al. (They couldn’t resist going Half The World Away with Aurora this Christmas.)

But the Lo Fang track is knowing in a very different way. It adds a level of high camp that more mortal creative directors and producers could only dream of. Taking a track that would happily grace a Will & Grace house party and then raise the camp bar further by art jazzing it is audacious indeed.

I am not sure how anyone could better this on the camp-o-meter.

So I wonder what next? Perhaps they will have to go the other way. Perhaps we will get really, really high camp songs re-recorded with brutal street grit.

Rocky Horror’s Sweet Transvestite could be covered by The Streets.  And come to think of it, D12 could do a storming version of Let It Go from Frozen. So, there is definitely some more room for manoeuvre in there – a few more rungs of insanity to climb before we run out of puff in the music department.

Now what of the journey? Part of me desperately wants the exquisite wide shot of the beautiful car crossing the bridge to the city in the Chanel No 5 ad to be interrupted by the highly irritating Sat. Nav. saying “At the next junction, turn left, then turn right, and follow the ring road back to your child as they are currently playing with an electric iron in the infinity pool.”

With all this enigmatic driving around to no real end (even Jonny Depp’s at it) there must be a probability calculation on the back of a napkin somewhere that tells us when and where they might all collide?

Given that driving is so central to many of these commercials, perhaps there is a Peage in Fragrance Film Land somewhere where it all comes together – a place where, if you parked up with a sandwich and a thermos for long enough, you’d have the pleasure of watching a caravanserai of some of the most beautiful cars in the world driven by some of the most highly paid actors stream past. (Who needs the Mille Miglia.)

I can just see them arriving at the Peage gate and, on realizing they do not have Telepeage, rooting in their oh-so-gorgeous bag for a handful of ‘change’ (it would have to be a fist of exotic coins; cast with distracted elegance – there’s no cool Slo Mo moment to be had in popping your carte VISA in a gnarled plastic slot – a sexual metaphor perhaps but no filmic opportunity).

And then, as quickly as they arrive, they are through the Peage, all driving off in different directions to continue the eternal journey.

Maybe this meeting point might create a whole new dimension of Fragrance Ad.

Perhaps if we laddered back, one of those breath taking crash reverses up into the heavens; into the atmosphere above (and god knows theres an industrial quantity of very expensive atmosphere to ladder through), we would reveal that Fragrance Film Land is in fact a sort of board game of life – a Snakes and Ladders meets Monopoly of circular and inter-related narratives criss-crossing at various points across multiple terrains and contexts – by/in/on/above/beneath an Alpine tunnel, Malibu beach house, NYC studio, Parisian rooftop, Roman side street or Utah dirt road, at sunset/sunrise/Spring/Fall/Christmas/Lunar Eclipse.

Maybe we could gamify Fragrance Film Land? A sort of Farmville meets Mario Kart for perfume. Choose your character and vehicle. Choose your eternal circular yearning journey. Choose your mood/season/context. Choose your re-record soundtrack. Bingo. We’re off.

And the pedal hits the metal. Chanel 5. Black Ops. Available for PS3.

Now that would be worth switching on for.

Hoover bag, fish-tank, trophy cabinet & the art of wearing your intellect lightly.

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Hoover bag, fish tank or trophy cabinet? Which one describes your model of intellectual self-awareness and demeanour best?

I spend a lot of time suspended (the animation part is discretionary) between two worlds where intelligence chimes very differently and how it is worn can speak volumes:

One brims with an ‘earthy’ scrum of normal people with their pop populism, non p.c humour, fun food formats, all things sporting, inappropriate music lyrics, sudoku and simple telly pleasures:

The other teems with a rare, heavenly throng of ‘visibly’ smart people (staggeringly smart actually) whose weather eye rests not just on Gogglebox but also on the material and scientific threads that stitch us in to our universe at a sub atomic and particular level from both the inside out and the outside in: a sort of Hubble-scope meets microscope universal view. Which takes some cells, grey or otherwise.

Whilst suspended between these two worlds I have come across a myriad of different shapes and shades of accidental, expressed or demonstrable ‘intelligence’.

But for the sake of this piece I have gathered them into three buckets.

These buckets are purely based on how people ‘wear’ their intelligence, knowledge and learning. They do not seek to make points of a sex, class, race, regional or tribal nature.

Intelligence, smarts and book learning are as likely to be mocked or marvelled at in a stately home in Cumbria as they are in a mock Tudor Semi in Southall and a single-parent council house in Cleethorpes.

So the three buckets are as follows:

Hoover Bag:

The majority of us, though our intellectual reserves have been honed to some degree in our childhood and teenage years through some form of formal education, spend most of our time applying a needs-must, auto didactical approach to the appropriation, collection and storage of any information, data, knowledge and the subsequent exercising of it via what might loosely be called intellect and its reflex inventive cousin ingenuity.

We just hoover up what’s in front of us at the time; all in the moment and for little reason other than to get through, survive, overcome, complete (or avoid) the tasks that life sets in front of us. Most of it tends to be transient: pockets of old knowledge from schoolbook rote and favourite teachers, the history channel, anything ever said by Sir Richard Attenborough, the odd TV show theme tune, an ex-lover’s ‘hot tunes’, news stories, sleeve notes off albums, film quotes, holiday resort locations, train times, exam questions, sweet names, bus numbers – the majority of it utterly random and seemingly disconnected – fluff and drivel: insubstantial, frivolous, fleeting. Only of meaning in the cats cradle of life and experiences in our head. All hidden deep in the bag unless we’re compelled to have a rummage.

But in that intellectual Hoover bag somewhere, amongst all the dust and atomic grains of everyday life – with a little rooting around – and if pushed – there are brilliant little treasures to be found: nuggets; the intellectual version of shiny marbles, lost lego characters, the odd ear ring, the missing washer off that clock, and a rare coin from somewhere exotic.

It’s not that we’re incapable of being a Fish Tank or Trophy Cabinet. On the odd occasion we can be very intellectually forthright. But. We’re just not that interested. Intelligence for most is directly linked to and in relation to what we must and need to do. Work. Earn money. Buy treats. The odd holiday. Survive. With Stickers. Intellect does not represent anything of value for us to wield in the world. Exams are for getting through. Real stuff is about what books cant teach and accolades cant fake: common sense, nous, drive, smarts.

Many people remain deliriously untouched by the compulsion to scale ever- greater heights and plumb ever-deeper depths of their intellect to pull out a plum.

There is in fact a running suspicion amongst a lot of people that too much learning is bad for you. Like fatty foods and alcohol.

Referring to people as being intellectually obese or an academoholic probably hits the referential nail on the head.

A lot of people feel an antipathy to the ‘too clever by half’ bunch, not too dissimilar to the feelings people harbour for the overly fat and the commonly drunk. Fat drunks take it to a whole new level of course.

Getting above yourself is one of the most common malaises they point to in the overly smart.

Fish Tank:

Go up just one notch and things change for the shinier. This is not yet the domain of the public academic, but certainly we are now in a realm where intellectual and academic possessions are going on show – they are becoming socially important not just to the trajectory of us as a person but also to our sense of self – our core identity. Their value isn’t hidden any more.

Fish tank intellects are suddenly about visibility: about being seen to be smart. It can start small. Quipy; witty. Ripostes. Razor sharp. ‘Quick wittedness’ gets bolstered with facts and bite sized pieces of knowledge not found on the history channel or in the newspaper. Suddenly we’re utilising our intelligence not just as an evolutionary survival mechanism but as a status marker, courting tool, and social lever.

However small, simple and under-populated the fish tank might be (We’re all quietly fond of the singular fish bowl inhabited by that gold fish) there is still a shiny attractive thing to look at.

Now fish tank intellect land is the bucket that provides the most flex and room for manouvre. Because you can go from one small intellectual goldfish in a clichéd bowl of water on a window sill to a multi-atmosphere self cleaning super sized wall set super tank with teeming shoals of exquisite, rare and increasingly expensive creatures.

From Intellectual Ahhh! to intellectual WOW! At the super scale end we find ourselves in the world of the serial collector of intellectual pursuits – reaching far beyond what they will ever need for their day job. The role of intellectual curator and collector of brightly coloured intellectual exotica as a matter of projected identity is a big deal for big fish tankers. But the big difference between these and the Trophy Cabineteers is the stealth nature of the presentation. However bright, gregarious and attention seeking the various and increasingly valuable baubles are, they are not presented ‘directly’. This is a world where proofs and demonstrations of intelligence are refracted through a prism of tangential referencing – obtuse, sophisticated, shrouded – usually hidden inside some trojan horse of life learning or experience story: presented simply as a new piece of the expanding fabric of their life.

But however subtle the presentation – these brightly coloured attractive and seductive entities are most definitely for show and for effect.

These ‘exotic splashes of colour have been plucked from the sea of knowledge to aggrandise us: to decorate our lives and create conversation focused on us through them.

Trophy Cabinet

Smashed it. No time or interest in discretion or subtlety. I’m smart. I’m bloody clever. And competitive. An intellectual winner. I’ve got more degrees and PhDs than I can shake a stick at. Doctorates are just the beginning. I probably have a few Honorary Executive positions as well. Sciences. Arts. Humanities. Classics. Don’t care. Whatever it takes. I am not in the business of doing a topic. I’m in the business of being really, really clever – and wearing it on my sleeve. If anyone’s up for a Nobel Peace Prize it’ll be me. Via national and then global recognition. I am professionally clever. Love academia. A wonderful pursuit. But please keep your intellectual generosity and shared collectivism of the mind to yourself. This is the expanding me show of cerebral fabulousness.

Simply put, you’ll all come to realize that you are cerebral dwarves and I am resplendent in the glow of my own brilliance. I am Alpha Meta.

A harsh caricature? Perhaps. But the dissonance between what we consider intellectually valuable in the more rarified halls of first world academe and what humanity actually requires to live thrive and survive on this planet can sometimes make us look at the trophy cabinet persona and their exceptionally competitive and vaguely sociopathic behaviours with a not necessarily benevolent eye.

For many, especially those struggling to make ends meet and having to work all hours to do it, and for those with a natural aversion to people who speak ‘in riddles’, it is hard sometimes to see the greater value in  relentless and unquenchable pursuit of ever greater learning. To many it is hard to see why anyone should support or laud someone wanting to remain the ‘eternal student’, wrapped in ever decreasing intellectual circles on arcane subjects that owe more to human ego than evolution.

The Trophy Cabinet model of flamboyantly worn intellect is mostly seen for what it ostensibly is: a tower of self-impression: a monument to ones ego. Questionable. Perhaps.

BUT, before we start measuring how many hands high the horse is we’re leaping on to sound off about the super bright, it must be remembered that these stratospheric arrogances of the mind and the intellect (as some see them) bring much to be thankful for: scientific advances and revelations that make enormous tranches of humankind more healthy and more resilient.

Some of these people have opened doors in the fabric, nature and story of human kind and the multi-verse we exist in. And we are better for it. And for them. Whether we think they’re too smart by half or not.

Witch hunting and pointing fingers at the nerds and the super bright people is a lazy pursuit. Existing, as many do, ‘on the spectrum’, dislocated from and uncomfortable around what most like to see as ‘normal’ people, they have their own crosses to bear: crosses that many of us would never countenance let alone endure. Brainbox baiting also smacks of being ‘chippy’. Take a swing ‘cause you make me feel bad! Thankfully now that Stephen Hawking is officially rock n roll, with his own Hollywood movie to boot, and the new tech hipsters are to all effects bearded and brogued members of the Nerd tribe, the old Beano comic view of school swots is changing – slowly.

Learning, the knowledge it brings and how the individual mind processes and leverages that knowledge to best and personal effect, to inspire and engage us may be a divisive topic; but we need to celebrate and embrace every type of intellect we have if we are to continue to live, thrive and survive.

And whether the gems of insight, idea and illumination that improve our everyday lives get shaken out of a hoover bag, netted from a fish tank or taken down from the trophy cabinet, I couldn’t care less.

Now where did I put that nozzle…?

Sea Cruises, Finding Nemo & the power of a floating social network

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The Cruise industry is projected to launch 21 Million+ passengers on to the Oceans in 2015, delivered by ever-bigger ships with more on-board facilities.

And Royal Caribbean Cruises are leading the trend with the launch of their state-of-the-art 4000+ capacity liner, Quantum Of The Seas.

So no one seems to be struggling to bring the People to the Oceans But is their growth strategy resilient?

Resilience demands that we balance the Opportunity already identified with the Volatility* the category has to manage and absorb over time.

Interestingly the one volatility that seemed to be missing in the conversation is that of the oceans on which cruise companies ply their trade.

And by recent reports, oceanic degradation* is one volatility that offers both the greatest challenge and the freshest opportunity.

Our human wellbeing is inextricably linked to the well-being of the oceans in ways most of us do not realise – why would we? Oceans are ‘out there’ – far beyond our scope of interest – and Ships like Quantum of The Oceans will only go to exacerbate that increasing emotional and rational dislocation.

The bigger the ship; the further away from the sea you’re floating on you become.

But consider for a moment how a simple shift in brand focus:

FROM: Bringing the People to the Ocean

TO: Bringing the Ocean to the People

might offer a fresh source of innovation and differentiation.

Suddenly each ship becomes a floating social network with a bigger purpose – to influence a more sustainable relationship between humanity and the oceans.

Lightness of touch is essential.

There’s nothing quite like a guilty conscience to sour a hard-earned holiday.

Far too many ethical holiday companies forget that the mindset of the average holiday-maker is: ‘I’m going on a holiday, not a crusade’.

So make it fun. Gamify it. Build the oceanic equivalent of Farmville.

And let’s get Google to map the oceans and build a My Drop In The Ocean Pixel Platform while we’re at it – name a pixel of ocean after a loved one.

Who knows: 22 Million Drops could make for a new ocean.

Just a thought.

Deeper notes behind the ‘thought’ below.

* Volatility – a complex interdependent value chain supply chain model manages a number of volatilities – fluctuations & pressures on cost of serving the increasing expectation of experience at decreasing cost – the cost and resource required to managing sustainable fuel sources, innovations, costs and regulation (specifically the low-sulphur emission targets required by 2020) – the increasing pressure of cruise line passenger numbers on destinations infrastructure, environment and socio-cultural dynamics – the impacts of natural disaster and terrorism on general tourism trends and specifically in destination – itineraries shifts.

* The impact of Ocean Acidification, increased acidity caused by run off from ocean side cities and farming and its impact on global warming, sea life and colonies; and the blight of Trash Vortexes – in tandem with over fishing – has bought the condition of the oceans to a point of crisis – so much so that a number of special committees set up to deal directly and specifically with the impacts ad the management of them

The Global Ocean Commission – According to research reviewed by the Commission, this major proportion of the global ocean is under severe and increasing pressure from overfishing, damage to important habitat, climate change and ocean acidification

UN Oceans – In September 2003, the United Nations High-Level Committee on Programmes approved the creation of an Oceans and Coastal Areas Network (subsequently named “UN-Oceans”) to build on SOCA, covering a wide range of issues and composed of the relevant programmes, entities and specialized agencies of the UN system and the secretariats of the relevant international conventions, including the International Seabed Authority and the Convention on Biological Diversity.

Rugby, Hemispheres & the zen art of flight.

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Watching yet another decimation of a northern hemisphere side by a southern hemisphere side; the All Blacks to be precise, I found myself and a very old friend of mine, Robert Calcraft, contemplated WTF is the problem.

My punt, pardon the pun was this. That in watching three replays and the speed of hands and feet from the All Blacks, something became suddenly and conspicuously obvious. The leaden man-to-man game of the northern hemisphere was being rent asunder by a higher order of game that mesmerised for very good reason. And in the the hypnotic focus lay the answer.

I realised that in every replay I was transfixed by the passage of that beautiful white elliptical object as it traversed the field on its way to (99.9%) certain grounding. I paid no heed to the player whose hands it passed through. They were unimportant, Simply stewards of something greater than them.

And the way of the Zen archer came to mind: exceptional precision made true and absolute by obsessing on every influence on the flight of the arrow – the tensile nature of the bow, the tension of the gut string, the cleat at the root of the arrow, the integrity and nature of the wood shaft, the exception of the feather flight, the perfect symmetry and the weight of the arrow tip – no interest in what comes before -the archer – or what will follow – the target. Everything centred on one pure exception of flight.

Suddenly against our Northern obsession with player, cult of personality, physical engineering and endless ruminating on position and play  – everything rooted in a pedestrian passing from hero to zero – their pure focus on the passage of that elliptical god from one end of the field to the other made absolute sense to me.

Perhaps the real gift of the islanders and the Maori to the world of Rugby is a zen connectedness with the passage of everything other than the mortal through time and space. A oneness that every tribal member shares. A connectedness to the great spirit, the cosmic fizz, the sky warrior. Where every man is subject to the greater forces – a mere tourist for a moment or a lifetime in their ability to capture the North and West winds in their palm – to turn them and shape them to some purpose on their way forth.

In this way perhaps they are spiritually unfettered from the need to render school boy heroes from each player, to sculpt and set up for adulation. The tribal and war like islanders remain untouched by the need to create Victorian Boys Annual giants of endeavour from their ranks.

They keep squaring a circle that we have long forgotten how to draw. We once believed that great battles were won before they were fought. We understood that, like the war games of Spartan youth, ones greatest war like prowess is explored and exercised in a childlike or bloodless (ish) game – by the future warriors and leaders of our tribes and people as a proxy for real war.

But the warriors of the southern hemisphere do not and never have succumbed to the industrial arrogance of the pre Victorian military idyll and pomp that we turned that belief into – as Waterloo being won on the Paying Fields of Eton. Each man stands both individual and inextricably connected to the atomic and spiritual world in which they exist – as a continuum of existence in adversity – simplest the latest in a long line of warriors.

There is something almost other worldly in watching the islanders at their best playing fluid and breathtaking rugby. Each is capable of becoming part of the warrior elite but they seem consumed by something greater. You cant play at this. To us in the Northern hemisphere it might seem very self conscious and over worked BUT it is complete and creates complete rugby in its wake.

Southern Hemisphere players (and I focus on the islanders here as in them and in their fierce open style are the root of the southern hemisphere advantage) do not need the status of born leader to raise themselves up.

One of their heroes, Te Kooti Arikirangi Te Turuki, a maori of good family but not of chiefly stock, was renowned for his fierce warrior abilities and powerful personality. This collision between the tribal model of greatness – earned seized vital active – and the old Empire model of greatness – gifted entitled applied assumptive – sits like a thorn betwixt many of the Southern and Northern Hemisphere conflicts and partnerships.

The Empire minded industrial colonial machine is at work in English rugby. We are not set free by Jerusalem but imprisoned by it – damned by the leaden machines of its satanic mills. When the Lamb of God does appear in our secular England it usually to be seen leaving the green and pleasant field to be salted rubbed in oil and sprigged for the oven on a Sunday.

The parts of Britain which still make room for and celebrate their pre Christian selves still seem to find something ‘magical’ in their game that I just cannot see in ours.

Their players seem rendered from a different clay. Ours are shaped by the Boys Own Annuals that celebrated the predominance or our great British (for which read Norman English but with a Scottish Bank and Merchant Class, and Welsh Scots & Irish armies) cultural authority over ‘voodoo native cultures with their ‘dreadful’ barbarism: an ethnic snobbery that began with the sneery dismissal of the barbarous Welsh and pagan Irish and heathen Scots.

So with The Maori culture – a tribal culture that celebrates the elemental mysticism myths and legends of its past in the present.

In this way the Maori (mortals) and the Wairu (Gods) enjoy a similar relationship to the Mythic cycles of Nordics, Celts (Gaels) and the native Red Indian. Cultures and societies who are still meaningfully connected or unprepared to dismiss or decry the Elemental mysticism or supernature of their people

There have been times recently when the ‘magic’ that occurred between the Leinster and Munster players when on the field playing for Ireland takes on the nature of a living myth. (Unsurprising that the epics of Fionn mac Cumhaill were played out across the lands and ranges of Leinster & Munster.)

These moments for me capture the pure spirit of them; when the long shadow of their prehistory and the mystical nature of their people rises up for even but a moment. A moment when we see the Tuatha Dé Danann at work in the world – as they take a journey from Gods into kings and heroes

The Welsh similarly in the Four Acts of the Mabinogi track the journey from pre-christian deities into heroes and Kings. And behind their Christianity lies a well head of something far deeper and rooted in the rocks, caves and valleys of their past.

It is much the same with their celtic gallic cousins. We can’t fail to be inspired in those brief moments when the ancient gallic super-nature of the French rises up and over the ‘intellect’ of their more recent aristocratic revolutionary selves to rip across the field.

Indomitability over the machine – the engineered society rent asunder by something more primal – is a reoccurring theme enjoyed the world over. Indomitability for many French lies in the characters of Asterix and Obelix. Their ability to rip up the best of the Roman Empire’s legions through a mystical potion prepared by the druid, Getafix, is played out again and again on rugby fields when the All Blacks meet the English on the field. We represent the arrogant machine and they the elemental spoilers of our party. And the difference that lies between a team that is rooted in its elemental mystical culture and one rooted in its slightly jaded right of entitlement to rule is plain to see.

The Maori and islander races look like they are stewarding the great north winds through their hands from the mountains to the sea.

The English look like they’re moving the farm machinery from the barn to the lower field.

Christian cultures especially those of the Empire minded colonial kind have created a culture that – though it can dig deep to achieve its ambitions and objectives – is incapable of reaching into the super nature of the very earth on which it stands – because we’ve written out and over the Pagan that rooted us in that land and its spirits and then written off the Christian that obscured the pagan.

The Haka may well have become for all intents and purposes a simple piece of brand theatre (I feel the hand of Kevin Roberts of Saatchi & Saatchi in there somewhere), the one thing it does is simply remind every All black at the commencement of every game that their starting point – their focus and their ‘super-nature’ – starts from a different point to everyone else.

One only had to look at some of the Idents in the World cup coverage that featured the Kiwi players in their local club environment. It does not surprise me that behind them stand Mountains better placed in the mystic swirl of Lord Of The Rings, as opposed to the smoke stacks of middle England.

In fact some would say that the New Zealand version of heart of darkness has delivered an indomitable foe. That the Richie MaCaws and the Dan Carters are effectively the descendants of Northern hemisphere farmers who have ‘gone native’ – who have rendered themselves Maori in heart through some cultural Colonel Kurtz moment of revelation. (Delusional? perhaps. But something is going on in there!)

What of the Tri-Nations cousins one might ask, Surely Southern Hemisphere rugby football is not just about the All Blacks and maori tribal mysticism?

Perhaps not. But the shifting nature of the game in the southern hemisphere has been shaped by a relentless succession of All Blacks victories. And in the end even the Dutch Boer farmers of the Transvaal and the red dust farmers of middle Australia will eventually apply the ‘if you cant beat them join them’ rule. And if you’re playing them often enough you’ll learn very quickly. As they have.

So where does that leave us? Way behind.

What’s the answer? My punt? Hire Time Team to rekindle the Briton inside English rugby football. (It’s unsurprising to me that the West Country and the Northern reaches provide us with some of our greatest and most spirited players! – strongholds of regional cultures rooted in something more akin to the mystical, mythical and druidic.)

There was a time when we happily concurred with the old beliefs – that the people and the land are one. And in turn the greatest of those people – the King – is capable of effecting the nature and spirit of super-nature itself. We believed in our connectedness and elemental one-ness with the earth under us.

Cue Bluffers guide to Arthurian myth part 1. The Fisher King (English rugby) is wounded. The Fisher King is in trouble – impotent as is the land around him. We need Percival and a super druid to sort this shit out.

Our issue will be that we ignore The Fisher King of English Rugby football at our peril.

There was a time when we gladly recognized the deep roots of our connectedness – our supernatural selves – to the land beneath us and the myths and legends it spawned.

But unlike our Celtic and Gallic cousins and certainly all of the other world tribes who still happily ascribe to their supernaturally rooted selves, we are incapable of wearing this connectivity lightly. To us the Stonehenge scene in Spinal Tap gives a good bearing on what the average Brit Rugby player thinks of mysticism.

We dismiss as voodoo or hippy crap anything that smacks of it. Because our ascendency was marked by the control of nature not the respect and communion with it – in the mining of our dark satanic empire mills and the tilling of our distant colonial plantations and fields.

We need to let lose the Merlin in our people – especially those on the rugby field.

They need to ride the dragon’s breath. (And that isn’t a euphemism for the fug that floats around inside the scrum 73 minutes into any given game.)

To find our own version of the Zen Archer – to reveal the part of us that acts intuitively, rooted in a fluid understanding of the metaphysics of matter as it passes through the world we inhabit – we need to be respectful of forces we cannot see hear nor comprehend.

Which brings us back to the view of a team where every player is in service to the passage of something greater than them.

To them it seems like a dream is being passed along and down the line of their ancestors from player to player. To us it looks like a pasty just hot out of the microwave at GREGGS being passed along the bus-stop.

Anyway. If we’re lucky the super-nature of the Maori inspired All Blacks might just fall apart under the weight of some Dutch Afrikaans tractors and we can breathe a sign of relief and re assert our gentleman farmers guide to rugby football.

If we’re lucky all this mystical cobblers is just that – a rumination on a cloudy friday afternoon; meaningless under the towering auspices of what northern hemisphere and English rugby in particular are yet to unleash

But then again it just might not be.