So CNN do fake news. According to the President Elect at least.

Damn. I knew it. FOX are just so real and pure. I should have known.

I was wholly reassured of course to find that, in the face of that dreadful state of affairs that is the telling of half truths and whole lies in the unregulated space of the social networks and news feeds, SHAZAM, the big government guns are going to roll up their regulatory sleeves and get busy. Starting with Nick Hancock, Minister for Digital & Culture Policy in the UK. Now we’re going to get things sorted.

Thank [insert preferred god, prophet, leader, sage here] for that.

It takes years of dedicated training, some remarkable imagination, a sprinkle of facts and a Mensa like flair to dispatch subversive and propagandised news and stories that can undermine leaders and governments. Its not a bloody hobby.

The newspaper consortium are finally going to apply their staggeringly large institutional oomph to helping us sort out these unregulated snipes, opportunists and their corrosive obfuscation. These guys know what real news is!

My mind now rests easy at the thought of the regulated press and the spook agencies collaborating on pointing out to us and regulating against what is Real Fake News (theirs) and Fake Fake News (the social network johnnies).

I will personally be forever thankful for the clarity they will bring. It’s confusing out there.

We just simply cannot have two sets of fake news out there. If anyone is going to fake news  it needs to be the grown ups: the people who know what they’re doing – like spin doctors and spook agencies. And Black Ops operatives (or did we make them up as well?).

It is not acceptable to have any old Tomasina, Dicky or Harriet in their oh so self conscious footwear, fit bits and frappaccinos saying utterly misleading, damaging, derisory or inflammatory things about elected officials. Say what you like about Kimy or Taylor but keep your stinking hands off the likes of Donald Trump.

Hell, he won the people’s vote didn’t he. (Err. OK; not really but we can say that cant we? Well, the electoral college system anyway – ish).

Why everyone is getting so upset about all of this I am not quite sure. Donald Trump has never played down his love of a little bit of playfully ‘loose’ representation. He celebrates every individual’s right to swoop and swerve and flip reality and facts, agile as a swallow, the worm of truth clutched screaming in its plunging and soaring beak. And as with all practiced deceivers, he will know that the greatest hiding place is in plain site.

The greatest celebration of Fake News perches glowing golden fleecy gorgeous on top of his freshly elected head.

Genius.

That comb over hides a multitude of sins. It may even hide the much sought after Tax Returns. Oh and the paperwork for all that Chinese-funded leverage that keeps the Trump Tower of Cards standing (or did I make that up?). Sometimes I feel like if they were to film another Men In Black, I know where the second entrance to the MIB headquarters can be found.

So, Social Network ‘journalists’ and all you ridiculous little conspiracy theorists; please, leave misleading news feeds, political obfuscation, corrosive geopolitical engineering and plain lying to the elected, the Agencies, the regulated press, the political lobbyists and the specialists those people pay to do it.

Fake News is Dead. Long Live Fake News